When we are single we want to be in a relationship and when we are in a relationship we want to be single or in another relationship. We go through life wanting what we don’t have or wanting what we do have to be better. Some may call this the “grass is greener” syndrome; what we currently have in our life is no longer good enough or adequate.
I’ve learned from my experiences that every day in a relationship will not be picture perfect. I had to stop comparing my relationships to my friend’s relationship or the ones I see on television. When we live in a state of comparing relationships we are killing the opportunity to experience something wonderful and life changing.
I have a very close friend who shares with me the qualities that he would like to have in his future partner and how the courting would take place. Initially, I would tell him that he was crazy and living in a “fairytale.” But over time, I’ve learned that we all have visions of how we want to meet our significant other and the qualities we want him or her to have that will make the relationship function. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship that includes love, honesty, compassion, mutual respect, great conversation and great sex. Do not allow the judgments of others to influence what you want in your relationships or, more broadly, your life. Be proud of what you want and don’t be afraid to admit it.
Lately, the number of men over the age of 45 who don’t want to settle down has amazed me. They are scarred from past relationships, scared of being hurt, and want to perpetually test the waters instead of making a real commitment. This bothered me at first until I realized that is their story, not mine. I could choose to be a part of it or walk away, and I chose to walk away.
I know that I am ready to fall in love and be in love with that someone special, while at the same time not sacrificing the things that I believe make a relationship work. I am a different man than I was 15, 10 or even five years ago. I have made some mistakes, been hurt, hurt others, but most importantly, I learned a few lessons and now I am better for it. Over the years I have realized that age does not equal maturity but maturity comes from experiences, learning and understanding.
Embrace where you are in life. Stand in your truth, speak it into existence and don’t be afraid. Life is too short to deny yourself what you want, especially if it is to share your love and life with someone special.
“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never being in love.” ~ Maya Angelou