As there are many singles (including myself) looking for a suitable mate, I want to share my findings concerning dating. Some of these are my personal observations and some come from countless conversations with friends. With online dating (http://www.vanbranchblog.com/single-in-the-city/) being the main source for finding a mate, I have found there to be a few different types of daters:
– The serial dater
These people have multiple dates in one week, making dating feels like a sport. They are not looking for anything serious and are not really interested in making a connection, they just have meaningless conversation while on the date, looking for a free meal or drinks, and are constantly looking for the perfect mate (good luck!). I believe these people will ultimately still want a mate but will soon get exhausted or lonely since they have been on a lot of dates.
– The “rush” dater
These people are looking for a mate to marry and have children, yesterday. I find this mostly from individuals who are older, scared to be alone, wants kids (believe biological clock is about to expire) and want the fancy wedding. They have a checklist of expectations/requirements that make the perfect mate. They go on dates asking tons of questions instead of letting things flow naturally or be organic. Many often say that they want their mate to be their best friend, but they do not take the time to build a friendship that could grow into a romantic relationship. Now I do know a few friends who have met people, had an instant connection, moved in together and lived happily ever after; but please understand that is not the norm. Take your time to get to know the person you want to build a family and a long lasting relationship with. If it is meant to be, it will be! The last thing anyone wants is to make “rush” decision and then realize it was the wrong decision.
– The sex dater
These people are only after one thing: sex. They are on multiple sites, usually with inappropriate pictures. They have decided that settling down is not for them, so having sex with as many people is their only focus. Beware of the person who sends nude pictures. My rule of thumb is, if they send you nude pictures after one or two conversations, they are stored on their phone and this is a normal thing for them, and that’s not a good sign. If you don’t respect you, why do you think others would?
I believe many of us want a “special someone” but have lost our way. We cannot have a list of expectations/requirements that even we fail to meet. We need to learn how to build healthy relationships and friendships (stop texting, start talking) that can develop into a lifelong romantic relationship. We cannot start off relationships with lies, cheating, dishonesty, and misrepresenting ourselves. Stand in your truth and be honest with what you are in search of.
Lasting love doesn’t just extend grace; it expresses faith. Faith and love are intertwined because love is built on trust. It says, “I believe in you. I trust you. I have confidence in you.” You cannot love someone you don’t trust. So if you’re going to love somebody, you have to not only extend him grace; you have to express faith.
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